


I Want To Hold Your Hand

by Claudii85



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec is an ass because he is scared, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexual Alec Lightwood, Asexual Character, Getting Together, Getting to Know Each Other, Happy Ending, M/M, Past Alec/Raj, Past Relationship(s), Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 10:36:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13293030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Claudii85/pseuds/Claudii85
Summary: Alec swore he would never date anyone but that was until me met Magnus.Alec met Magnus through Isabelle, they were working together. Immediately Magnus had made it very clear that he liked Alec and Alec didn’t knew what to do with all the attention Magnus was giving him. A compliment here and a wink there or a hand on the shoulder, Alec was not used to this. He was a grown man but everytime Magnus was near all Alec could do was blush and stutter.





	I Want To Hold Your Hand

**Author's Note:**

> [Magnusismyrock](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Magnusismyrock/pseuds/Magnusismyrock) asked for Malec + Ace!Alec and Magnus exploring the topic of sex/or lack thereof
> 
> Also, I based Alec's asexuality on mine. I know that not all asexual are the same or feel the same.
> 
> I hope you'll like it.

Alec was pacing the floor nervously, alternating between playing with the cuff of his shirt and running his hand through his hair. If Izzy saw him do it she would kill him in the spot, after all the time she put on Alec’s hair and trying to make them look presentable. Alec never cared much about his hair or the type of shirt he was wearing but he wanted to look good for his date with Magnus. His date with Magnus. Alec sighed loudly and wondered why he had accepted when Magnus asked him if he wanted to go out for a drink. He should never have said yes. Alec knew it couldn't end well and he would end up with a broken heart. 

Alec didn’t have much dating experience. When he was a teenager he was so far in the closet that the idea of dating anyone scared him and after college he was to busy trying to make a name for himself so he always said no whenever someone tried to set him up. And a few years back, Alec finally said yes when Lydia, one of his coworker told him about the friend of a friend. He was cute so Alec caved in and said yes. His name was Raj, they went out three or four times and until Raj stopped calling when Alec confessed he was asexual and that they would never have sex. Oh well, Alec didn't need this kind of person in his life but it still hurt and after that Alec had decided to stop dating. He had friends and family who accepted him and that’s all that mattered for Alec.

Until Magnus came along. Alec met Magnus through Isabelle, they were working together. Immediately Magnus had made it very clear that he liked Alec and Alec didn’t knew what to do with all the attention Magnus was giving him. A compliment here and a wink there or a hand on the shoulder, Alec was not used to this. He was a grown man but everytime Magnus was near all Alec could do was blush and stutter.

A knock on the door bring Alec back to the present, he looked at the clock on the wall, another knock, it was probably Magnus and he was 10 minutes early. Alec shook his head and took a deep breath, he could do this. He plastered a smile on his face and opened the door. 

“Magnus, hi.”

“Alexander, you look stunning" said Magnus as he entered Alec’s apartment. 

“I uh, thanks, Isabelle helped me" confessed Alec, looking at his feet.

“Well, I’m gonna have to send her flowers because you look gorgeous in this shirt.”

Alec blushed deeply. He was wearing his usual black jeans, because Isabelle didn’t want to go to far out of his comfort zone, and a blue polka dot dress shirt. Isabelle also insisted that if they went outside,he should wear his new wool dark grey trench coat. Alec agreed but he feared he would look too “stuffy" but Isabelle insisted he would look very chic and Magnus would love it. 

When Alec looked back at Magnus he was looking at Alec with a warm smile on his face and maybe, maybe this date would not be a disaster.

*

The date went well, better than anything Alec had expected. Magnus was sweet and had tons of history to tell. Magnus traveled a lot when he was younger and had Alec had the impression Magnus was actually a lot older than he was when he listened Magnus recalling his adventures. It was a good thing because Alec considered his life to be very boring and he didn’t have much to tell Magnus. But whenever Alec told something to Magnus, Magnus was listening to him with the same intensity that if Alec had told something as interesting as his travel stories. 

The weather was nice, despite being at the start of November and when they exited the bar Magnus asked Alec if he wanted to walk instead of taking a cab. Alec agreed, he was having a good time with Magnus and despite his initial fear he didn’t want the night to end yet. After a few minutes of walking, Alec felt Magnus’ hand brushed against his a few time and Alec might have been inexperienced but he was not stupid, the next time Magnus’ hand touched his, Alec took his courage and entwined their fingers together. He looked at Magnus and smiled shyly. 

On their way back to Alec’s apartment they didn’t talked much and Alec was glad the silence was not awkward. When they finally arrived in front of Alec’s apartment complex Alec disentangle their hands and he put it in his coat pockets.

“I had a really great night Alexander" said Magnus, smiling softly.

“Me too” answered Alec truthfully 

“We should do this again.”

“I’d like it.

“Can I kiss you?” asked Magnus taking Alec off guard.

“I, uh yeah. I mean yes you can” stuttered Alec.

Magnus’ hand cupped the back of Alec’s head, at the base of his skull, playing gently with the hair for a second as he brought his body closer to Alec. Alec’s breath caught in his throat, this close Alec could clearly see Magnus’ beautiful brown eyes, outlined by long, full eyelashes looking at him intensely. Alec watched Magnus as he closed the gap between their lips and he closed his eyes. The kiss was gentle, just a soft press of lips against each other. Magnus broke the kiss and Alec sighed.

“Goodnight Alexander" said Magnus. 

Alec watched him leave before going up to his apartment. 

*

Alec was an idiot and he should have never accepted to go on a date with Magnus. He shouldn't have said yes when Magnus asked if he could kiss him. Alec was an idiot and that’s exactly why he had been ignoring Magnus’ calls and text for the past three days.   
Alec was waking up everyday, took a shower, went to work, went back home, watched something on tv to keep his mind from thinking too much and went to bed. 

Alec’s phone bipped indicating he had received a new text message. He took his phone from the coffee table and saw it was from Magnus.

[Magnus - 8:53pm] I really thought we were on the same page but I guess not. You won’t hear from me again.

Alec groaned and threw his phone on the other side of the room. He felt like crying and he hated everything. Alec closed the tv and went to bed early. At least he couldn't think when he was sleeping.

*

“WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM ALEC?”

Alec jolted awake and sat up so fast he felt dizzy. He blinked a few time before he realized Isabelle was standing at the foot of his bed her arms crossed, looking pissed. He thought about playing dumb and asking her what she was talking about but he knew he would not fool her so he decided to remain silent.

“No, really Alec please tell me what is wrong with you because I don’t understand. You spend an amazing night with an equally amazing person and then you ghost him?”

Alec crossed his arms over his chest and sighed. He didn’t know what to say, he knew he had no excuse for the way he acted in the past few days and he knew he had hurt Magnus and he could barely stand himself right now. Alec knew he had hurt someone’s feeling and he hated it. Magnus didn’t deserved that. 

“So, do you plan on staying silent forever or are you gonna explain yourself?”

“We spent an amazing night” said Alec, “we had fun and even when I was telling boring stories he seemed interested, we walked home and he asked if he could kiss me and I said yes.”

“I already know that because all Magnus could talk about was you and how well the date went or at least how well he thought the date went. This doesn't explain your shitty behavior.”

Alec uncrossed his arms and got out of bed. He took a pair of sweatpants that was laying on the floor and ignored Isabelle who was watching each of his movement with a judgmental look on her face. Alec walked to the kitchen and started a coffee pot. Isabelle followed him and sat on a stool next to the counter. 

“So?”

“He said he would not bother me anymore.”

“You’re an idiot Alec, an idiot” said Isabelle and Alec knew she meant it, there was no fondness in her tone.

“I can’t be what he want me to be, I’ll never be able to give him what he want and he would have leave exactly like Raj okay, is that what you wanted me to say?” spat Alec, furious. He was not in the mood for this kind of conversation.

“Did he said this? Or is it just your shitty assumptions? I mean, have you talked to him about it, have you told him you’re ace and he said that it could never work between you two?”

Alec took two cups out of the cabinet and poured coffee, he sli Isabelle’s cup toward her and he went to sit on a stool next to her.  
He took a sip of his scalding hot coffee in hope to burn his tongue or the roof of his mouth and not being able to talk anymore. But it didn’t work.

“No" finally said Alec, “I just know that’s how it’s gonna end because who would want to be with someone they can’t have sex with.”

“Stop being so pessimistic Alec.”

“I’m not pessimistic, I’m realistic.”

“Magnus doesn’t even know you’re ace so you can’t know what he will say or think. Not everyone is an ass like Raj was. I think you should talk to him.”

“To Raj?”

Isabelle rolled her eyes and looked at Alec like she wanted to punch him.

“To Magnus, idiot!”

“He doesn't want to talk to me anymore.”

“Well it’s not a big surprise after acting like an asshole like you did but I think you should fight for it. He really liked spending time with you Alec and I want you to be happy.”

“What if he don’t want to listen to me?”

“You’ll only have yourself to blame but at least you will have tried.”

Alec jumped down the stool and wrapped his arms around Izzy. They hugged for a long time and Alec felt better. Now he just have to find the courage to text Magnus to see if he wanted to talk.

*

[Alec - 10:47 am] Can we talk?

Alec sent the first message and waited. He hoped Magnus would answer him but he was sure he would get ignored and he couldn’t blame Magnus for being pissed. After a few minutes he sent another message.

[Alec - 10:54 am] It’s Alec btw, just in case you have deleted my number. Which I would not blame you for doing it.

Alec was getting anxious and he didn’t know what to do of himself. He cleaned his entire apartment and rearranged all his books and dvds in alphabetical order. Still no reply.

[Alec - 1:26 pm] I guess I deserved to be ignored. I just wished you would answer me. I don’t expect you to forgive me for my shitty behavior but I would like to explain myself.

Alec needed to do something with himself before he went completely crazy. He decided to call Jace to see if he wanted to go eat something.

*

When Alec arrived at The Hunter’s moon Jace was already there, flirting with one of the waitress. Alec smirked and walked to his best friend.

“Babe! Sorry I’m late!”

The waitress blushed and left quickly while Jace glared at Alec.

“What the fuck was that man?”

“Well, I wanted to be sure I could eat with my friend without our conversation being interrupted by a waitress with heart eyes every two minutes” said Alec laughing.

“You’re an ass” replied Jace

“Yeah, I’ve been told.”

“So, apparently you ghosted the dude you went on a date with?”

“Is the entirety of New York knows it for fuck sake!”

“So, what happened?”

“Don’t feel like talking about it, I called you to change my mind.”

“Are you doing that thing where you think someone won’t want you because you’re ace?”

“Fuck you Jace! You don’t know what it’s like okay.”

“True but I still think you should have given him the chance to decide by himself instead of deciding for him that he didn’t want to be with you.”

Alec sighed.

“Finish now? Because I said I didn’t want to talk about it.”

“Yeah yeah okay, for now.”

Alec rolled his eyes and changed the subject, asking Jace how his project of opening a gym was going. Jace was more than happy to talk about his gym and spent the next hour telling Alec how he loved working on it but how the appointments at the bank were a pain in the ass. 

“Do you want to go to the movies?” Jace asked after lunch, “I heard Justice League is really great.”

Alec accepted happily. He hadn’t spent time with his friend in forever and he would have done anything to keep his mind off of the fact that Magnus hadn’t texted him back.

*

Alec walked in his apartment and hang his coat in the lobby’s closet. He yawned loudly, stretching his arms over his head. It was late and he was ready to go to bed. He changed into a pair of gray sweatpants and a white t-shirt and face planted on the bed. Alec was on the verge of falling asleep when he heard his phone bipped. He opened his eyes and scrambled out of bed, almost running to the living room where he had left his phone.

[Magnus - 11:47pm] If you want to talk it’s now or never. You’re lucky your sister loves you or I would never had texted you back.

Alec closed his eyes for a second trying not to cry. He couldn’t be mad at Magnus but he felt like shit and reading Magnus’ words hurt. He would have to send flowers to Izzy or take her on a shopping spree to Sephora for getting Magnus to answer him. 

Alec started to type a message even though he didn’t feel like having this discussion by text messages. Alec was about to it send when he received another message. It was an address. Alec jumped to his feet and put on a pair of running shoes and took his coat. 

[Alec - 12:03am] On my way.

*

Alec checked on Google maps and it said Magnus was living at about a 20 minutes walk. Alec didn’t really feel like walking but fresh air would help him clear his mind and thinking about what he was gonna say to Magnus. When he arrived in front of the building he took a deep breath and pushed on the button next to Magnus’ name. The door unlocked after a few seconds and Alec walked in the building. Magnus was living on the 5th floor and for a moment Alec contemplated the idea of taking the stairs instead of the elevator but he yawned and decided he didn’t want to fall asleep halfway there.

When Alec arrived in front of Magnus’ apartment he noticed the door was already open. He walked in and removed his shoes. Alec looked at the door and decided to close it behind him. 

“Magnus?” Alec called but he got no answer.

Alec walked farther into the apartment, toward where he thought the living room was probably. Magnus was sitting in a chair, wearing a turquoise satin pajama, a drink in hand and he was stirring it with his pinkie. Alec stood awkwardly in front of Magnus, his hands behind his back, before asking if he could sit. Magnus pointed the couch with a flourish of his hand but said nothing.

“I was an asshole and I shouldn’t have ignored you” said Alec.

“Tell me something I don’t know" replied Magnus.

Alec took a deep breath and started talking again.

“I uh, I’m asexual and this means I don’t feel sexual attraction toward peoples and my last “relationship” didn’t end well because of it and instead of giving you the chance to decide by yourself if you wanted to be with someone like me I took the decision for you and I’m sorry. I should have told you but it’s not really a first date kind of subject.”

Magnus looked at Alec for a long time before he put his drink on the table next to the chair he was sitting in and walked up to the couch where Alec was sitting. Magnus sat next to Alec and remained silent for a moment.

“So, hypothetically speaking, if we were to be in a relationship we would never have sex?”

Alec nodded.

“Have you ever had sex?”

“No" answered Alec, ready to have his sexuality dismissed like it always happened. He was used to it by now.

“When did you know?”

“I was about 14 or 15, around the same time I realized I didn't liked girls. My friends were all talking about sex but I felt nothing, I didn’t know back then that there was a term for what I was and for the longest time I thought I was broken but I’m not. I just don’t want to sleep with people.”

“But you kissed me.”

“Kissing is great, I like kissing and I don’t have to be sexually attracted to someone to want to kiss them. For me it’s two separate thing.”

“You said your last relationship ended because of your asexuality, is it because you started ignoring him too?”

Alec wanted to glare at Magnus but felt he didn’t have the right.

“No, it’s the other way around. I told him and he stopped calling. After that I told myself I would never dated anyone anymore and then you came along and you asked me out and I said yes but I got scared.”

“It does not excuse the way you treated me but it’s understandable” said Magnus.

“So, what now?”

“What do you say we start over?”

“You want to give me another chance? Despite everything I did and my asexuality?”

“Alexander, I don’t mind if we never have sex. I have two hands and a few toys if I get urges. You never have to worry about that, I’ll never pressure you into doing anything. I want you with or without sex because yes despite the way you treated me I can understand and I like you a lot.”

Alec smiled, he couldn't believe what he was hearing, it seemed impossible and he felt like crying. He hadn’t felt happy like this in a long time. Alec hoped their relationship would last but at least if it didn’t work out he knew it wouldn't be because of his sexuality.

“I have a lot of other questions for you, but I’m really tired and what do you say we talk about this over breakfast tomorrow morning?”

“I’m tired too, I’m gonna go and I’ll text you, for real, tomorrow” said Alec.

“Don’t be stupid, you can sleep here. You can take my bed, I’ll sleep on the couch.”

Alec smiled and accepted Magnus’ invitation. They still had a lot to talk about but Alec everything would be okay in the end.

-FIN-

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Comments and kudos are always welcome and appreciated xx


End file.
